Missing, Presumed Dead.

Scotland Yard have today announced that they have called off the investigation into the apparent disappearance of eight UK Business Executives, many supposedly drawn from the HR community, who have been reported as missing over recent months. A spokesman for Scotland Yard said that an evaluation of the evidence had led to the conclusion that none of these individuals had actually ever existed in the first place, and that they appeared to be some form of Urban Myth. Scotland Yard have, however, released details of the “missing” persons, and stated that in the unlikely event that any of the following individuals are sighted by members of the public, they should contact their local police station.

The Eight Mythological Executives are:

A banker who has left the UK to work overseas as a result of the pressure on the financial community to control remuneration.

An HR Director who argued that Executive bonuses unfairly rewarded those at the top of organisations while penalising those lower down.

An HR professional who believed that their company’s performance management system was actually a little bit too simple.

A Learning and Development Manager who could state with absolute certainty how much money his company had spent on training last year.

An HR professional who can point to an incontrovertible link between training activities and an increase in company profit.

An HR Director possessing empirical evidence that there is a direct link between large bonus payments for senior managers and financial performance.

An HR Director who yearns for the day when his function will be rebranded as “Human Capital.”

An HR Director who believes that she has better control over her function now that all transactional activities have been outsourced.

Readers of HR Case Studies have been asked to assist Scotland Yard with their enquiries. If any of you believe that you have ever seen any of the above individuals, please leave a comment below.