Thursday, 10 October 2013

How to speak like a Thought Leader in one easy lesson without even trying

The entire editorial team of HR Case Studies furrowed its collective brow this week when it read that Management Guru Tom "In Search of Excellence" Peters had given his opinion that, "Big Data will re-imagine HR"

"Such poetry," as none of the team was heard to say

"I couldn't have put it clearer myself" said no-one at all in the team.

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean" as everyone chanted in unison.

But fear not, dear reader. All is not lost.

To ease you into the weekend, we bring you the HR Case Studies guide to speaking meaningless HR jargon. To instantly sound like someone who can add "Thought Leader" to your LinkedIn profile, all you need is contained in the section below.

Simply choose any phrase from Group A, randomly select a link from Group B, and then add a further utterly meaningless group of words from Group C, and before you can say "Human Capital Management" you'll be talking like someone at an international HR conference!

No surgery required!

Group A
Big data
Employee Engagement
360 degree appraisal
An innovative social media policy
Our sophisticated talent management pipeline
The cloud-based HRIS
This year's Employee Voice Initiative
Our outcome-based reward system
The enterprise wellness programme
This year's employee recognition scheme
Our Web 2.0 open-source participation platform
The learning and development mechanism
Improved IT functionality
The company self-service HR portal

Group B
Has a potential to
Promises to
Offers an opportunity to
Will undoubtedly

Group C
Re-imagine HR
Minimise avoidable attrition
Facilitate peer-to-peer feedback
Maximise People Performance
Unlock hidden talent
Leverage human capital
Equip managers in evidence based decision making
Lock in below-the-line financial savings
Push the envelope of staff motivation
Generate maximum stakeholder participation
Seamlessly network critical staff
Achieve collaborative alignment
Optimise peak performance