First Century HR Officer asks "What's the role of HR today?"

As revealed last week, previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found to contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

Today, HR Case Studies publishes a final extract from his diaries.

Well, dear readers, it’s about time to put the diary away for a while.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be a Holy Roman Business Partner (HRBP) these days. There’s been a lot of talk about just what purpose us guys serve, and whether we’re there just to support The Empire, or whether we occasionally have to stand up to an Emperor or a Governor who’s clearly losing his marbles.

I was in a seminar organised by the Central Israel Pharisees Department (CIPD) last week, and they’d actually managed to get some Seriously Big Cheeses along to talk to us. The keynote speaker was actually King Herod. Bet he cost the CIPD a few shekels in speaking fees.

One of his comments intrigued me:

“I can’t bear being told ‘you can’t do it that way’,” he said. “Do not put barriers in the way. Sometimes you have to take a step back from the policy, from the law, and say ‘what do we need to do right now, and how are we going to get there?’ Don’t hide behind the policies.”

I’ve been reflecting on what that means recently.

I spoke to Herod after the conference. He seems a reasonable guy overall. A bit self important and driven perhaps, but I like a man with a clear vision.

Anyway, I must have impressed him, as he’s asked me to do a bit of work for him. He wants me to draw up a Corporate Manslaughter Policy specifically for the Bethlehem area. Not sure what he’s got in mind, but who am I to question someone in authority?

 Look out for Malachi Barnabas's new book "Power, Innovation and Problem Solving: The Challenge of HR in the First Century". Available soon from all good scroll-sellers.

First Century HR Officer gives helpful advice to three blokes with gifts.

As revealed last week, previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found to contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

Today, HR Case Studies publishes a further extract from his diaries.

Blimey! It’s all go again this week.

Odd, though, isn’t it ,the way you get a message from the government that you assume is nothing to do with you, and then the next minute, you’re in the thick of it!

One of Herod’s envoys jumped off his donkey this morning and proudly announced that as I was a Tier 2 Sponsor (I didn’t even know that I was, to be honest!), I needed to be aware that the Government has (and I quote!) “laid a Statement of Changes to the Immigration Rules relating to Tiers 1 and 2 of the Points Based System” Top and bottom of it is Bethlehem HR Services needs to keep a close eye on how many foreign types we employ.

So far, so good.

But then these three distinctly odd blokes walk into the office claiming to be from Melchior Caspar Balthazar Headhunters. I’d never heard the phrase myself, and they seemed to be talking in code. They waffled on about spotting a particular chap’s profile on LinkedIn (nope, means nothing to me either) But evidently this chap must be worth investigating as he had a star next to his name on his “LinkedIn profile”

I had to ask these guys where they’d come from, and it definitely wasn’t from round here judging from their clothes, so I told them about the new immigration rules, and advised them that unless they had proof of residence permits in Israel, they wouldn’t be able to work round here.

But apparently they weren’t looking for work. They’d actually got some Corporate Hospitality Gifts (nope, another new one for me, that one!) to give out to this chap they were looking for. One each: Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh (I think the last one was some form of soap)

Played right into my hands, they did!

Having only just come back from a Central Israel Pharisees Department (CIPD) update on Employment Law, I was in my element! Quick as a flash I told them that giving someone gold could well be construed as a specific offence of trying to influence a foreign public official with the intention of obtaining or retaining business in a situation where the public official was not permitted or required by law to be influenced.

As far as I understand, the Frankincense is burned and gives off some form of perfumed smoke. I’ve no problem with them using the stuff, as long as they take action to reduce the risk to the health and safety of the peaceful people of Bethlehem from second hand Frankincense smoke to as low a level as is reasonably practicable. In fact I even suspect that the Frankincense could be classed as “Noxious Effluvia” and therefore infringe Caesar’s new Health and Safety at Work Act.

And as myrrh also contains one or two dodgy ingredients I also pointed out that as the Control of Stuff Harmful to Herod (COSHH) regulations extended to chemicals, products containing chemicals, fumes, dusts, vapours, mists and gases, the chances were that the myrrh would have to be put through Risk Assessment.

So, after telling them all that, off they went.

Who says that HR aren’t helpful. Mince Pie anyone?

First Century HR Officer reveals his reading list for next year.

Dear Diary: It’s been a busy weekend, especially as the New Year is fast approaching.

Not had time to do much other than put in an order for a few scrolls to read over the coming year. I heard from a friend that there’s a new supplier that’s gaining in popularity. The business is calling itself Jordan. Seems odd to me to name yourself after a river. Can’t see it catching on to be honest, but who am I to question these things?

Anyway, here’s my list of ten books to read over the next month or so:

• Who Moved My Unleavened Bread by Stephen (son of Jonah) and Kenneth of Bethany
• Essentials of Roman Employment Law By Claudius Lewis and Malcolm the Centurion.
• Teach your Child Integrity by Simon Iscariot
• The Holy Roman Business Partner (HRBP) model by Darius Elrich
• The Caesar Delusion by Ricardus Dawkinus
• The Very Rough Guide to Social Media: Using Parchment to Extend your Brand
• Maximising your Camel Fleet: An Employer’s Guide to the new P11D by Matthew of Nazareth
• Increasing Employee Engagement through Health and Wellness by Doctor Luke.
• From Tragedy to Triumph: the Story of the Cana of Galilee vineyards
• Visualising Business Success by Habakkuk, Zechariah and Hosea 

Have I missed any obvious ones that I need to read, I wonder?

Another legal minefield for First Century HR Officer.

As revealed earlier this week, previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found to contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

Today, HR Case Studies publishes the fourth extract from his diaries.

Heavens above! Who dreams this stuff up? As if it wasn't difficult enough already providing an HR service to a nation under Roman occupation! But now we've got some new legislation to deal with!

Next month sees the introduction of the Equality For Sufferers of Leprosy and Leprosy-Related Diseases Act. As usual it's all written in impenetrable legalese, presumably drawn up by those helpful guys in the Sanhedrin. Just cast your eyes over this:

An employer shalt not (verily it is said) discriminate against a man or woman who, though he (or she) hath previously been inflected with leprosy (or a leprosy-like infection) provided that the employee can produce an LC1 Certificate (Proof of Cleansing from leprosy (or a leprosy-like infection)

Neither shalt an employer (verily it is said) discriminate against a man or woman who, though he (or she) hath previously been inflected with leprosy (or a leprosy-like infection) can prove that he (or she) hath complied with the regulation of Leviticus Chapter 14 to shave off all his (or her) hair, beard (certain women are exempt from this - see subsection 3.2) and eyebrows, bathe in water, and stay outside the camp for seven days until given the thumbs-up by the Priest.

Neither shalt an employer (verily it is said) discriminate against a man or woman who, though he (or she) hath previously been inflected with leprosy (or a leprosy-like infection) can produce a PS2 (Proof of Sacrifice) Certificate detailing the sacrifice of (i) two male lambs, (ii) one ewe, (iii) three-tenths of an ephah of fine flour, and (iv) one measure of oil.

An employer shalt also make reasonable adjustments during the recruitment of employees who hath previously been inflected with leprosy (or leprosy-like infections); and such reasonable adjustments shalt also be extended to the training and development of employees.

And on it goes. So much detail you can hardly believe it. You should read the section on allowing reasonable time-off for previous sufferers of leprosy (or leprosy-like infections) to cleanse their house from mildew! It makes me itch just reading the stuff!

Doesn't exactly make it easy to employ people either does it? I feel particularly sorry for my mate Ephraim who has a business just next door to the leper colony. He's just put up an advert for a new position: a Handyman! Ha! You can imagine the fun he'll have at shortlisting stage.

What we really need is some form of regional doctor who can cure this sort of problem.

But that's not going to happen in my lifetime, is it?

Check out HR Case Studies tomorrow for a further instalment.

Employment Law nightmare for First Century HR Officer!

As revealed earlier this week, previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found to contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

Today, HR Case Studies publishes the third extract from his diaries.

My stars! I've no idea what's going on in Bethlehem this week, but it's causing more that its fair share of HR problems.

I went looking for the shepherds - sorry, Nocturnal Pasture Operatives - who had headed down from the hills to gatecrash some sort of party in the stable round the back of The Emperor's Arms. (Something unusual going on there too, I can tell you. All sorts of odd types wandering in and out. Quite a few dressed up in foreign garb and wearing tea-towels on their heads which makes them look pretty amusing!)

But enough of them. The pub landlord of the Emperor's Arms is a friend of mine, and he wanted a bit of advice. Seems that his boss wants to take him through disciplinary procedure for poor performance. Apparently his boss is blaming him for overbooking the hotel during the exercise to get everyone onto Caesar's Holy Roman Information System (HRIS). But he didn't know that it was also the annual Central Israel Pharisees Department (CIPD) conference at the same time. He reckons his boss made that booking, but didn't let him know about it.

The thing is, I'm not sure which country's employment legislation applies to my mate Benjamin. The Emperor's Arms is actually part of an Israeli chain of taverns, but they in turn are actually just a subsidiary of an Egyptian company (Apparently, their flagship hotel near the pyramids is meant to be superb: it's even got beds in the executive suites!) Benjamin himself is on secondment from Assyria, he gets paid in Talents, but that's done through a third party who gives the money to Ben's twin brother in Ephesus, and when he travels here, the company that organise the camel train are based in Ethiopia.

I think I'll have a word with my mate Ephraim Croner who works in the employment section of the Sanhedrin, to see if he's got any light that can be shed on this one. It's always worth checking to see if there's been any parchments sent round on this sort of thing.

Talking of light: I think someone's forgotten to turn the lantern out in the stable round the back of the tavern. Looks like the place is ablaze! Better nip out and see what's going on. I'll have a quiet word about the stable's carbon footprint while I'm at it!

Check out HR Case Studies tomorrow for a further instalment.

Exclusive! Bethlehem shepherds demand Personal Protective Equipment!

As revealed earlier this week, previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found to contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

Today, HR Case Studies publishes a further extract from his diaries.

Flipping typical, isn't it? HR gets a phone call to come and sort a problem out, and then by the time you arrive, suddenly there's not a problem anymore!

Yesterday morning I got a message from a local Trade Union representative telling me that some of his members were raising a collective grievance over lack of personal protective equipment. Seems there was a bunch of shepherds up in the fields above Bethlehem who were having a number of problems. It makes me laugh though: this bunch are so pretentious that they don't even call themselves shepherds any more - they reckon they are (wait for it) Nocturnal Pasture Operatives!

And there's me just expecting the normal request for blankets and animal skin jackets. If only! This delicate bunch were asking for some form of eye cover to protect themselves against some bright lights that have apparently been keeping them awake at night. Wouldn't be so bad if that was the end of it, but they were all asking for ear plugs as well. The feeble bunch have been losing beauty sleep because of loud singing in the area. Personally I suspect it will have been the end of conference knees up at the CIPD (Central Israel Pharisees Department (CIPD) get-together in Bethlehem, but they weren't so sure. I might need to have a word with the boss of the shepherds, because I'm not sure how seriously he's implemented the alcohol at work policy in his region.

But - and this is what really irritates me - I spend half the evening trecking up the hillside to meet this lot, practising my negotiation techniques on the way, and when I get there, far from a bunch of seething shepherds waiting for me, there's just one straggler.

According to him, one of his sheep had strayed off, and while he was chasing after it, the light and the noise that they'd been talking about got brighter and louder, but when he returned, all of his colleagues had cleared off.

At least they'd left him a note, though:

Sorry to leave without you. Party in stable round the back of The Emperor's Arms in Bethlehem. Hope to see you later.

I'd have nipped there myself if I hadn't been so busy. Got lots of problems with the migrant workforce in this area.

Check out HR Case Studies tomorrow for a further instalment.

Emperor Caesar Augustus launches "Bring the Future into the Present" Strategy

As revealed yesterday,  previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls have been found to contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

Today, HR Case Studies publishes the first extract from his diaries.

My stars! I've no idea what Caesar Augustus has been smoking these days, but he's quite clearly flipped. Apparently one of his soothsayers made some form of prophecy about the future in which information about workers will be stored on what Caesar refers to as a "Holy Roman Information System" (or HRIS as he insists on calling it)

So he's decided to launch a "Bring the Future into the Present" strategy (where he comes up with these names, I haven't the faintest idea) and get everyone in the entire Roman world to provide personal details which he can record on scratty pieces of parchment. No idea what he plans to do with this information, though he keeps muttering something about "diversity monitoring" and "talent management" under his breath. No, it doesn't mean anything to me either.

The twerp has decided that the best way to get this information is for everyone to trek to their ancestral home where a crack team of HR officers can apply quill to parchment and register the information.

So, yours truly has been given the dubious task of sorting out the situation in the Bethlehem area.

I don't think Augustus has any idea how much trouble this has caused! I've already had people asking questions about whether time taken to get to Bethlehem will have to come off their annual holiday entitlement, or whether they can take it as flexitime. A guy from the transport department has told me that every donkey in the area has been booked for weeks to come.

A bloke from Nazareth even asked me if we had a policy on paternity leave for carpenters! Cheeky blighter! He reckons his wife is pregnant and about to give birth. "Just you get yourself down to Bethlehem, Joseph," I told him. "If your wife gives birth while you're down there, I'll have a word with the local authority to see if they have any creche facilities."

Not quite sure where he's planning to stay when he gets there though. I hadn't the heart to tell him that the Central Israel Pharisees Department (CIPD) are having their annual conference in Bethlehem, so there's not a room to be had for love nor money.

Anyway, that's all from me for today. Need to be up early tomorrow to sort out some issues about night shift allowances for a group of shepherds.

Check out HR Case Studies tomorrow for a further instalment.

World Exclusive! The Secret Diary of a First Century HR Officer.

In a dramatic scoop, HR Case Studies can exclusively reveal that previously ignored fragments of the Dead Sea Scrolls contain the diary entries of Malachi Barnabas, a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Bethlehem area of Israel.

The 972 documents discovered between 1946 and 1956 in and around the ruins of the ancient settlement of Qumran on the northwest shore of the Dead Sea were previously thought to have been written by the Essenes, or perhaps by another Jewish sectarian group.

But part of a scroll discovered in Cave 5 (normally referred to as the Apocryphon of Joshua) has only recently been fully translated by a team of scholars at the University of Chicago's Oriental Institute.

Far from being concerned just with the religious life of the Qumran community, this scroll has been found to contain an account written by a local official responsible for day to day administration of people related issues. A careful reading of the recently translated text gives a fascinating insight into the life of a 1st Century HR Officer working in the Middle East at a period of immense cultural and historical significance.

Keep tuned into HR Case Studies for further updates.